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Your iPhone or your life?

14 Feb
Recently, I was asked this by demons: Your iPhone or your life?

It sounds like an easy choice to make were it not for the fact that my iPhone is my life (and, yours, too, although you have yet to realize it). It is true that, for this farmer, if would be nigh impossible to give up his hoe, given that a farmer’s hoe is the means by which he lives. Same for this soldier and his sword. My iPhone is both to me; without it, there’d be neither harvest nor war, neither progress nor trailblazing.

My nemesis, Evil, has viewed my iPhone in similar fashion, and has damaged or destroyed every one I’ve had:

Two months ago, a sucker demon stretched from below me, latched onto my cellphone, and then retracted hard enough to break the screen; the distance between the ground and iPhone: 2 feet Fortunately, a very reasonably priced repair center cut my costs in half; but, bills add up. Less than two months later, the new screen was cracked in a similar way; I have yet to repair it

Even the one I have now has a hairline crack in the screen, which would be completely broken if the last repair technician hadn’t practically forced me to apply an ultra-thick, adhesive screen protector last time I it was replaced.

UPDATE | A day after publishing this post, I was able to repair my iPhone screen again:

The same repair center knocked an additional $20 off the price for the same repairs as before—and threw in the protective screen cover (which, by the way, actually prevented the screen from becoming unusable)

If my iPhone isn’t destroyed by sucker demons (thin, black threads stretching from out of nowhere that snatch your iPhone right out of your hand), then by miniature hobgoblin demons [see VIDEO | Wrestling with a Demon-Possessed iPhone in the Dark]:

If you watch inside the box, you will eventually see my iPhone morphing into more of a ball than flat rectangle, as it turns over and over in my hand. The round shape that seems to be flipping it over and over in my hand is the body of the aforedescribed demon, who is risking his life to make cellphone-holding inconvenient for me.

Sometimes, humans are the culprit; even still, it’s always at the behest of demons

This cycle of destruction repeats semi-annually, if not more frequently [see My new iPhone 6 Plus (64GB]; but, I always recover [see Another iPhone, destroyed; another iPhone, purchased].

Before you start thinking that, As long as there are no demon problems around me, my iPhone is safe, let me warn you: It’s easier than all that to steal or break one; no one needs a demon to do it or a demon to tell them to do it. There are regular people who get robbed or vandalized by regular people in a regular manner. I just haven’t met regular yet—not even prior to the thefts and destructions. Before demons and their people, owning and using things never brought a problem for me, and I couldn’t have named a single person who had a problem with my owning and use of something.

After that changed, I don’t think I’ve ever been the victim of vandalism or theft that wasn’t announced by a demon or demon person prior to the act in my life. In the weeks leading to last night’s trip to the VMC (Valley Medical Center) emergency room [see VIDEO | VMC Hospital nurse attacks using demon], I was warned and taunted about a pending loss of my iPhone, everywhere. Sure enough, after I was ejected into the lobby this afternoon (following an overnight stay of which I remember nothing more than begging God to give me one last chance to clench my fists around the throat of evil before I die), someone took it as I lay slumped over a chair, unconscious and in piss-soaked clothes.

I won’t divulge the details of the theft, even if they were somewhat interesting, because there is a far more important story to tell concerning the circumstances surrounding the theft, specifically, one which came down to an ultimatum by demons, Give up everything (iPhone, blog, “software,” by which they mean, Chroma) or you’re going to die.

And, die I nearly did last night; but, once again, God, who is always at work to make sure everyone receives a degree of mercy for which they can praise Him forever (should that be a desire), saw fit to stay Death’s hand once more—and, on top of that, return my cellphone to me.

Apparently, God has angels everywhere, even in the unlikeliest of places, the particular deputy-angel who found it being the kind that can move faster than GPS. She located it, retrieved it and returned it quicker than my MacBook Air could notify me via Find My iPhone:

I didn’t ask who stole it. I felt lucky enough to have it back. When I left the hospital, I thought it was gone for good. It wasn’t until I was stopped by the deputy in the parking lot that I was told they had found it with Find My iPhone, which I left up on one of their office computers, and intended to retrieve it. The deputy did, though, indicate that it was just a few blocks from where she stopped me, and that it wouldn’t take her anytime at all to find it (which was true).

What I wouldn’t have asked, even I had I known at the time, how she narrowed down the iPhone’s location from all the different places it was reported to be. Google Maps suggested these three places:

My iPhone was either found at the apex of the triangle that marks the iPhone’s route…
…or at Kohl’s or…
…or in an unfinished addition to the VMC campus

iCloud reported these two:

Two of the five places the iPhone was supposedly located while it was on a field trip of its own

Regardless, she (apparently) went straight to it without leaving any names, although they were later ascertained (on April 4th, 2017) by county records. It is also unclear as to whether the grantee or grantor listed for 4671 Mia Circle (as reported by iCloud) are employees of Valley Medical Center Hospital. That will be determined at a later date.

The question: Is Michael T. Walker or Bahram Allahyarzadeh an employee of VMC?

 The iPhone story is dull, though, the near-death VMC emergency room story is not. I’ll get to that eventually; but, I’ve got lots of iPhone software to write. Until then, here’s something to give you an idea of what that story entails:

Here, by the way, is its conclusion:

There is a God, He is alive,
In Him we live, and we survive. 

 
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Posted by on February 14, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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